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2023-11-16 01:00
6 survival tips for parents of live-at-home university students
A fifth of new students plan to live at home while studying at university, according to new research. But while living with their parents will undoubtedly be cheaper, it could create problems if teenagers try to live a typical student lifestyle in their mum and dad’s house – so experts advise ground rules. A new UCL and Sutton Trust study of more than 11,000 Year 13 students in England, who have either applied or plan to apply to university, found 20% had decided to live at home during term time if they got into university (14% had not yet decided). Nearly a fifth (18%) said the main reason was because they couldn’t afford to live away from home, while 46% said they wanted to be near their families. Gill Hines, co-author of Later! A Guide to Parenting a Young Adult (Piatkus), says living at home while doing further education is an increasing trend. “There’s many, many more kids living at home when they go to university – universities are reporting a lot more students are local people. But there can be problems, particularly with the social side of things,” she says. To help life with an adult student living at home remain as harmonious as possible, Hines says it’s vital for students and parents to discuss exactly what the house rules are well before term starts. “Sit down with them and talk about how things are going to be once they start uni,” she advises. “You need to talk to them about everything their new life may entail, including overnight guests, finances, and them behaving like adults so you can treat them like adults.” Here, Hines outlines the issues that need to be addressed in families where teenage students choose to live at home… 1. Set rules for helping in the houseParents need to talk to their teenager about how they’re going to contribute to the running of the home, stresses Hines. “They need to be doing much, much more than they probably have been doing. If they want the rights of being a young adult, they have to do the work of a young adult. Rights and privileges are great, but there are responsibilities too.” It’s important to be clear about what’s expected of them, which should include a high level of self-care (you probably don’t want your house to smell like student digs). They may be expected to buy and make their own food, and if so, clear up after themselves, do their own laundry – or take a turn in doing the household laundry – take their turn to clean the bathroom, put the bins out, etc. “You could either have set chores, or say that every fourth week or whatever they do a particular chore, whatever seems fair. It all needs to be discussed with them,” she says, although “they won’t like it”. Adding: “We want them to have a nice life at university, but they do need to knuckle down. Hopefully they’ll be moving out [in the future], and they need to be able to look after themselves.”2. Discuss overnight guests Parents may already have had ‘the talk’ about girlfriends or boyfriends staying overnight and what’s acceptable, but if not, now is the time to do it, says Hines. “They’re more likely to have a partner or be in a sexual relationship at this age, and may be playing around because they’re at that stage of life. Parents need to have a chat with their child about it, and also with each other about how comfortable they are with overnight guests, and some rules need to be outlined.” She suggests that, if possible, it may help to move their bedroom closer to an outside door, so they can come and go with more freedom. “I know it’s not possible for everybody,” she notes, “but if you can change an upstairs room to one downstairs for them, it might help them to not have to trail right through the house with their guests, and they’ll have a sense of being more independent.” 3. Don’t treat them like a child Hines says it can be tempting for parents whose young people live at home to treat them like children, but treat them as adults and they’re more likely to behave like one. “They’re that bit older, and they no longer get the right to be a child who’s looked after 24/7,” she stresses. Getting themselves up, getting themselves to uni, and getting their work done on time is not the parents’ responsibility anymore. “You need to be clear about that,” she stresses. “The whole point of university is for them to grow up. It’s all down to them now – you’re no longer responsible for their day-to-day life – they are.” 4. Explain what you’ll do if they break your rules Hines points out that although parents of adult children don’t have many sanctions if their house rules aren’t followed (they’re too old to be grounded) be aware of what you pay for. “If you pay for their phone and their travel and food or anything else, they need to accept that not every parent is doing that for their child at the age of 18,” she says. “It’s not a right, it’s a privilege, and some of it can be taken away.” 5. Encourage them to get a job Hines points out that many students living away from home while at university have to get a part-time job to make ends meet, and says: “I would encourage them to get an income – as well as needing the money, it’s good experience.” 6. Discuss finances Although once teens are earning, some parents may expect a contribution to room and board, Hines says if they’re students with a part-time job it might not be a feasible request. “I don’t think they should be contributing to the financial running of the home – at that age, I think it’s unrealistic to expect them to – but I think they should be contributing in other ways, like helping around the house.”
2023-08-10 13:00
Uggs, gilets and disco pants: Noughties fashion is back from the dead and it’s haunting me with a vengeance
Every so often, when I’m in the grips of extreme procrastination, I scroll back through the old photo albums on my near-dormant Facebook account. Their titles are a mix of forgotten teenage in-jokes and once-beloved song lyrics (no doubt a hangover from the Myspace era, before Zuckerberg). The pictures, captured on the digital camera that accompanied me on every night out, look a little fuzzy now, compared to the ultra-high resolution of an iPhone. But they’re still sharp enough that you can make out all the hallmarks of Noughties fashion in every group shot. There are battered pairs of ballet flats. String upon string of fake pearls. Slouchy off-brand Ugg boots. Hi-shine, high-waisted disco pants, reflecting back the flash of my Canon. More waistbelts than the average episode of Gok’s Fashion Fix. I can practically smell the frazzled scent of burning hair, straightened to a crisp. All very nostalgic, all very cringe, all now thankfully relegated to the big Topshop in the sky. Or so I’d naively thought. Fashion’s relentless trend cycle comes for us all in the end and this year, it seems, the nostalgia pendulum has come to rest somewhere around 2007. Bella Hadid and Emily Ratajkowski have been papped strolling through New York City in beige Uggs. A waistcoat is acceptable – even chic on a night out – no longer the sole sartorial preserve of Steve Arnott from Line of Duty. Its more practical cousin, the gilet, is also back, ready and waiting to keep your torso warm and your arms cold. Kylie Jenner is wearing disco pants, paired with going-out tops of indeterminate length. Most triggering of all? The discovery that beloved Scandi brand Ganni is now selling a high-fashion version of the sole-destroying ballet flats that teenage me wore until they fell apart (typically after about two months of continuous use). It was inevitable that the trends of my adolescence would get re-tooled for a new generation somewhere down the line – that’s just how fashion works. But I certainly wasn’t expecting it to happen quite so quickly, or to induce such a stomach-flipping sense of vertigo. It’s only been exacerbated by a clutch of that era’s cultural figures re-entering the public consciousness. Pete(r) Doherty, once the poet laureate of try-hard indie teens, is cropping up everywhere (“ARE YOU WATCHING PETE AND LOUIS THEROUX????” my lifelong best friend urgently WhatsApped me the other night, reminding me of my teenage Libertines obsession). Waistbelt-wearing, bodycon-loving pop legends Girls Aloud may or may not be reuniting (please make it so!) and, erm, Call-Me-Dave Cameron is making a return to frontline politics. It’s enough to make you feel like a portal to the past has somehow opened up, Doctor Who-style (naturally David Tennant, who played the Doctor in the latter half of the Noughties, is reprising that role later this year). Noughties fashion is having a moment on screen, too. Emerald Fennell’s new film Saltburn stars Barry Keoghan as Oliver, a working-class student at Oxford who is befriended by the aristocratic Felix, played by Jacob Elordi; Felix later invites his new pal to spend the summer at his family pile. It takes place between 2006 and 2007, and these fictional freshers dress in authentic period finery: the three “Js” – Jane Norman, Juicy Couture and Jack Wills – superfluous beaded necklaces and daffodil yellow LiveStrong charity wristbands. The latter, of course, were a rubbery tribute to now-disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong, which, for some unfathomable reason, became a must-have. When they sold out online, we’d go to bizarre lengths to source one. I distinctly remember sending an envelope covered in first class stamps to a friend of a friend of a friend, then receiving a rubbery bracelet in the post about a month later. I had only a vague idea of exactly who Armstrong was, really, but I liked the pop of colour against my white “Make Poverty History” band. To nail this very specific period look, Saltburn costume designer Sophie Canale made “mood boards mainly of my friends drunk on Facebook as inspiration”, she recently told Women’s Wear Daily. She sounds like a woman after my own heart. And just like my friends and I, Fennell’s characters love a good pair of Uggs – or at least, Ugg-adjacent copycats. So devoted was I to my tan knock-off versions that 16-year-old me carried on wearing them almost immediately after undergoing a knee arthroscopy (fake Uggs and crutches – a real fashion statement). My physiotherapist was horrified – and for good reason. In 2010, the British College of Osteopathic Medicine put out a statement imploring teenage girls like me to ditch their poorly-made imitation boots, warning that the lack of foot support could eventually lead to wear and tear on the ankles, knees and hips. “Just because something becomes a trend or fashionable doesn’t mean it’s good or right,” the organisation’s then-head Dr Ian Drysdale warned. Wise words indeed – but if I’d heard them at the time, I’d probably have rolled my eyes and gone back to trying to find the perfect footless tights to pair with my fleecy shoes. Ballet flats, with their similar absence of support, were pretty terrible for your podiatric health too, but it was a sacrifice we were willing to make in order to look a bit like Kate Moss. Looking good could be painful: after attending one friend’s 16th-birthday meal, I had to go home and lie down in agony thanks to waist belt-induced indigestion. Of course, Mossy, the patron saint of Noughties style, was on Canale’s radar when it came to dressing Saltburn’s students. The costume designer tracked down styles from the model’s first fashion collection for Topshop, which would have been seriously hot property around the period in which the film is set. More than 15 years on, I still have near-perfect recall of almost every piece, because I wanted them so much: the silvery halter-neck gown, the red skinny jeans, the patterned shorts crying out to be layered over a pair of 60 denier opaque tights. I’m pretty sure those designs are probably seared onto my poor, long-suffering mum’s memory, too. Like some sort of mini Miranda Priestly, I sent her trawling round all the Topshops in the Liverpool City Region to try and find the sell-out pansy print tea dress from Kate’s line. Why didn’t I do it myself? Too busy stomping around Snowdonia, attempting to get a bronze Duke of Edinburgh award, having been gaslighted into believing that this would prompt paroxysms of admiration from university admissions staff. She never did find the dress, but I managed to get hold of one years later, when Moss re-released some of her greatest hits to mark her final Topshop collection. It shrunk to unwearable dimensions after a few washes, but I still have it hanging in my wardrobe like a tiny floral trophy. Perhaps one day I’ll sell it on Vinted to a Gen-Zer who can’t remember the Noughties but likes the retro aesthetic (I’d have to label it “worn, with minor fake tan stains”, though). But most likely I’ll keep hold of it. The clothes we wear when we don’t quite know who we are or what we’re doing with our lives are a bit cringe-worthy, yes, but they’re also strangely endearing. Much as the rational part of my brain might be horrified by its baffling silhouettes and bizarre accessories, I’ll always have a soft spot for Noughties fashion – just don’t expect to see me in a waistcoat any time soon. Read More Chris Pine defends his short shorts Balenciaga divides with release of ‘absurd’ $925 bath towel skirt Women’s scarves and crocheted ties - what is Robert Peston wearing now?
2023-11-16 21:04
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