JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon kicked off third-quarter earnings season Friday with a stern warning to investors: "Now may be the most dangerous time the world has seen in decades," he wrote in the company's report.

Officials say they seized and destroyed the scales in a stand against illegal wildlife trafficking.

Arsenal have made an unbeaten start to the season in all competitions, a mentality which manager Mikel Arteta

No matter the time or the situation we could all do with a good laugh and the simplest of dad jokes always do the trick. Even social media agrees that dad jokes are funny with a current trend on Twitter revolving around the timeless format of the 'what do you call' gags. Sign up to our free Indy100 weekly newsletter Don't believe us? Well here are XX 'what do you call jokes' that you can test on your friends next time you are in the pub or reserve until Christmas dinner when the ones in your cracker inevitably let you down. 1. What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue. 2. What do you call a frozen kid? Chill-dren 3. What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time 4. What do you call a man who cannot stand? Neal 5. What do you call a reluctant potato? A hesitater. 6. What do you call a Magician who's lost his magic? Ian. 7. What do you call a dinosaur fart? A blast from the past! 8. What do you call a duck that steals? A Robber Duck. 9. What do you call a fish without eyes? A fsh 10. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. 11. What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog. 12. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta. 13. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated. 14. What do you call a sad coffee? A despresso. 15. What do you call a Mexican man who lost his car? Carlos. 16. What do you call an angry counsellor? A therapissed. 17. What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce? Chicken caes-a salad. 18. What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto. Have your say in our news democracy. Click the upvote icon at the top of the page to help raise this article through the indy100 rankings.

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The Republican-controlled North Carolina General Assembly made several last-minute changes to the 12-week abortion ban it passed earlier this year in an effort to stave off a legal challenge. The state’s abortion ban, which is set to take effect on 1 July, is being challenged in court. That lawsuit, attorneys said, was the main factor behind the Republican majority’s decision to introduce an amendment to an unrelated Department of Health and Human Services (DHHS) bill that effectively amends the abortion ban. ”The General Assembly is working to pass and enact, with or without the Governor’s signature, a technical and conforming bill to make changes to clarify and address most, if not all, aspects of Plaintiffs’ claims about the Act,” W Ellis Boyle, an attorney for House Speaker Tim Moore and Senate Leader Phil Berger, wrote in a legal filing on Tuesday. The amendment to the DHHS bill, House Bill 190, directly addresses a number of the concerns outlined in the lawsuit filed by Planned Parenthood of the South Atlantic and a number of other organisations. For instance, the lawsuit argues that a provision of the abortion ban stating that it is illegal “after the twelfth week of a woman’s pregnancy to advise, procure, or cause a miscarriage or abortion” violates the Constitution by preventing people from legally providing information about how a person could get legal abortion care in another state. In response, the amendment to HB 190 removes the word “advise” from the text of the abortion ban. The amendment also seeks to clean up a section on the regulation of medication abortion — which is banned after 10 weeks, not 12 — by deleting language that physicians prescribing medication abortions would have to verify that a pregnancy is no more than “70 days” old. Backers of the lawsuit, who are seeking a Temporary Restraining Order to prevent the abortion ban from taking effect on 1 July, do not believe that the changes to the ban proposed amendment to HB 190 go so far as to eliminate the need for the restraining order. “If those amendments are passed, they may remedy some of the constitutional violations that Plaintiffs allege,” North Carolina attorney general Josh Stein, nominally the defendant in the suit, wrote in a court filing reported by CNN. “But unless and until the current law is repealed or significantly amended, immediate injunctive relief is necessary to avoid a due-process violation.” Mr Stein, a Democrat, has said he does not intend to defend parts of the abortion ban his office believes are unconstitutional. Mr Stein wrote that even if the amendments pass, they would still “fail to make clear that doctors in North Carolina can help their patients obtain abortions out of state.” It is not yet clear whether Gov Roy Cooper, also a Democrat, intends to sign HB 190 or not. Mr Cooper vetoed the abortion ban, but saw his veto overriden by Republican supermajorities in the legislature. The fact that North Carolina is in the position of dealing with a 12-week abortion ban at all is a surprise: when the legislative session started, the Republicans did not have the votes needed to override a veto of an abotion bill. That changed, however, when Rep Tricia Cotham — a Democrat representing a heavily Democratic seat in the Charlotte area — suddenly switched her party affiliation and gave the Republicans the final vote needed to override Mr Cooper’s veto. Read More North Carolina Republicans censure Sen Thom Tillis for backing LGBT+ rights One year after Roe v Wade fell, anti-abortion laws threaten millions. The battle for access is far from over

A bear being transported on an Iraqi Airways flight from Baghdad to Dubai Friday caused delays after it escaped from a crate in the cargo hold.

As Earth's natural satellite, the moon is our planet's closest space neighbor and companion, joining

Ezi Magbegor had 17 points, nine rebounds and five assists, Gabby Williams also scored 17 points and the Seattle Storm snapped a franchise-record 10-game losing streak with an 83-74 win over the Chicago Sky

Second-year quarterback Desmond Ridder is key to the Atlanta Falcons' hopes for a winning season

Jamal Musiala’s 89th-minute goal saw Bayern Munich win the Bundesliga title for an 11th year in a row as they snatched it away from rivals Borussia Dortmund on a dramatic final day. Dortmund would have claimed their first title since the 2011-12 season if they had beaten Mainz at home but drew 2-2, only levelling in the sixth minute of stoppage time, while Musiala’s late strike gave Bayern a 2-1 win at Cologne to take the honours on goal difference. Dortmund, for whom England midfielder Jude Bellingham was an unused substitute after injury, quickly got the sense this would not be their day. They fell behind to Andreas Hanche-Olsen’s 15th-minute header, then saw Sebastian Haller’s penalty saved moments later before Karim Onisiwo doubled Mainz’s lead in the 24th minute. Raphael Guerreiro offered the hosts hope when he hammered in a cross from Gio Reyna in the 69th minute. And soon after Dortmund were back at the top of the standings as Dejan Ljubicic’s 81st-minute penalty cancelled out Kingsley Coman’s early curling strike to make it 1-1 in Cologne, Dortmund ahead by a point at that stage. But there was one final twist as Serge Gnabry, guilty of conceding that late penalty, teed up Musiala to fire in the winner. Niklas Sule scored deep into time added on for Dortmund but it would make no difference as Thomas Tuchel’s Bayern took the title.

Eight people, including teenagers, were injured in a shooting in Los Angeles County, authorities said Saturday. Two are in critical condition.