Freshly cut roses. Sumptuous Marie Antoinette-style birthday cakes. Vintage Liberty dresses in Strawberry Thief fabric. Shetland ponies. These are some of the ingredients of my Instagram posts featuring my kids. I wouldn’t call myself a “sharent” by any means – someone who overshares their children’s intimate lives on social media in one long, parental “humblebrag”. But whenever I do post, it is picture-perfect. My kids look like they’ve walked straight out of a fairytale. But is it naff? Like tablescaping your kids? A form of digital narcissism? Is it, in its own unique way, a parental kind of “thirst trap”? To an extent, I’m luring others into a fantasy that doesn’t exist. I like to project a wonderfully idyllic life as a single mum... when quite frankly, it isn’t. It’s like when people try to woo their ex-partners back by posting shots of themselves half-naked and having the best time of their lives, despite crying into their pillow heartbroken all day and night. Some mums are professionals at posting perfect dreamy shots of their kids. Look no further than Carrie Johnson, Tamara Ecclestone, Stacey Solomon, and Kate and Rio Ferdinand. For celebrities and influencers, a picture-perfect ideal is the norm on social media – there are lots of cream interiors and matching Christmas jumpers. They might be promoting a homeware brand, or tagging a pram they got for free. Even when it’s tastefully done, like the former PM’s wife’s Instagram, it always gives the impression that motherhood is wondrous. That life is one big, happy Timotei advert. Even when celebrities try to be more candid, it doesn’t work. Mum-of-two Millie Mackintosh, formerly of Made in Chelsea, recently posted a “toddler tornado dump” on her Instagram. “I feel like it’s so easy to always share the nice, polished, life,” she wrote. “Well, today, I’m here to break that pattern.” The glimpse “into the delightful chaos” of Mackintosh’s maternal life included photos of a toothbrush and toothpaste on a bathroom basin, a bedroom littered with hair bows, and a make-up drawer with a few brown concealer stains on it. Really? Is that as bad as motherhood gets? For me, it’s simply more interesting to post magical rather than mundane shots. But why on earth do I want to present my kids as if they’re living in one long, tasteful pastel-coloured dream, where everything looks enchanting? No messy hair. No sleep deprivation. No kids bored out of their minds. I don’t require a filter, either – I’m already looking at life through rose-tinted spectacles, and expecting everyone else to do the same. But am I totally deluded? And, more than anything, could it be damaging to my children? Dr Charlotte Armitage, who is currently the duty-of-care psychologist on ITV’s Big Brother, has big concerns. “First of all, it’s impacting the relationship between the parent and a child because the relationship is contingent on the creation of these images and the number of likes that follow,” she says, adding that when you are “truly happy” with your situation, “you don’t tend to post perfect images”. It’s more important to ask ourselves the question of why we feel the need to present this kind of picture-perfect image of ourselves to the world. Is it because, in reality, we are discontented with our lives? Dr Charlotte Armitage, psychologist As parents, she continues, we are modelling behaviours to our children. “They learn by imitation – if mum is taking photos and seeking validation from likes, the child starts to become validated by these likes themselves and will develop an external focus of control; they will learn that validation comes from what others think of them. This is unhealthy because, throughout life, a child’s self-esteem and self-worth become based on what others think about them rather than how they feel about themselves.” The key, she says, is realising we shouldn’t use social media to fulfil our self-worth. “It’s more important to ask ourselves the question of why we feel the need to present this kind of picture-perfect image of ourselves to the world,” she says. “Is it because, in reality, we are discontented with our lives?” According to research, the average child today has had their image put on social media 1,300 times before the age of 13 – I can see this trajectory for my kids unless I put on the brakes. There are already widespread concerns over the data. In France, an anti-sharing bill continues to be discussed in the country’s senate, and parents could potentially be banned from sharing photos of their children on social media. It could also become mandatory for influencers to admit if a photo or video they posted was retouched or filtered. There is controversy over whether pictures of kids should even be posted online at all, as many are too young to even give permission. How will they feel about the spread of their image in the future? What happens if their identity is stolen – or worse, used by paedophiles? Does it promote a distorted reality of motherhood, compared with which other “normal” mums feel inadequate? And can it backfire on the parents when children’s rights in the digital era are not honoured? “Children tend to be frustrated or critical of the way their parents share images of them,” says Professor Sonia Livingstone, from the department of media and communications at the London School of Economics and Political Science. “Not because they are made to seem ‘perfect’ but because they can be embarrassed, even shamed, in the eyes of their peers. Meanwhile, parents feel hugely under pressure in many ways, both to be perfect parents and also because such images leave parents competing with each other and isolated in their own seemingly inadequate lives.” Dr Cosmo Duff Gordon is the founder of leading addictions clinic Start2Stop, and a psychologist in private practice at Chelsea Recovery Associates. He says that in his 20-year career as a psychologist, he’s “never had a parent sit in front of him and say ‘I’m addicted to Instagram,’” but that’s not because social media addiction doesn’t exist. He puts it largely down to “denial” – “not least since the use of social media can involve so many of the processes that usually characterise classic alcohol or drug addiction”. Denial being the number one culprit. “Obvious ones might be obsession, compulsion, capture of attentional focus and loss of control,” he says. “More subtly, social media use can involve the same sort of self-medication, or escape from reality, that addiction offers – and being a parent is hard. That’s why drifting into a fantasy land can be a relief from the daily grind of motherhood.” Parenting expert Hannah Keeley – aka “America’s #1 Mom Coach” – is more upbeat about mums posting potentially inauthentic photos of their kids. “The hardest truth to accept is that there are some mums who are actually professionalising motherhood to this level,” she says. “Not that they have achieved perfection, but they take pride in their performance as mums and use social media as a way to confirm that to themselves and boost their confidence to encourage their efforts. Should these mums also be obligated to ensure that all mums feel good about themselves, whether or not they have invested in their career to this level? Mums don’t have to be responsible for other mums’ perceptions.” After great debate and reflection, I’ve decided I’m happy with my Insta posts. They might be driven by my background, where my sister and I ran around in white nightdresses as if we had starring roles in Picnic at Hanging Rock. Or because I was conditioned to believe that how we look – even how thin we were – equalled self-worth. I’m not setting myself up to be a supermum. I don’t look at how many likes I get. It’s true that us mums also need to share our parenting experiences honestly, to let other mums know they are not alone. But for now, I’m not doing a U-turn – I’m just living the fairytale dream. Read More My daughter’s horsey hobby makes her happy, but our home now hums If poachers make the best gamekeepers, do siblings make the best babysitters? 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Arsenal began their quest to wrestle the Premier League title away from Manchester City as Bukayo Saka’s fine strike earned them a narrow victory over Nottingham Forest. After a half-hour delay to kick-off at the Emirates Stadium, Eddie Nketiah and Saka struck in the first-half but the hosts could not build on their lead and were pegged back by Taiwo Awoniyi as they hung on to win 2-1. An issue with the turnstiles meant kick-off was put back by 30 minutes but it did not threaten to dampen the expectant atmosphere as Arsenal aim to go one better than their runners-up spot last season. Defeat at Forest in May ended that title challenge but a repeat never looked likely here from the moment Forest goalkeeper Matt Turner – making his debut after joining from Arsenal earlier in the week – saw a clearance charged down by Nketiah as the ball flashed wide. The visitors had already spurned a great opening, Brennan Johnson unable to hit the target after being slipped in behind. A moment of magic from Gabriel Martinelli freed Nketiah inside the Forest box and his low shot found a way past Turner courtesy of a deflection off Joe Worrall as Arsenal hit the front just after the midway point of the first half. Saka then took centre-stage, collecting a pass from William Saliba and curling home a fine effort to double the lead before half-time. It was not all smiles for Arsenal boss Mikel Arteta, though, as summer signing Jurrien Timber limped off with what appeared to be a knee injury with just 50 minutes gone. The Dutch defender had gone down in pain having committed a foul on the stroke of half-time but emerged for the second-half, only to be forced off soon after. The second half looked like being played out largely with Arsenal controlling possession, Declan Rice forcing a low stop out of Turner with a deflected drive before the £105million man had another shot turned behind. But, from the resulting corner from the second of Rice’s efforts, Forest broke at pace and substitute Anthony Elanga burst down the left before squaring for Awoniyi to finish. Arsenal ultimately held on for the win, Gabriel Magalhaes replacing Martinelli to sure up the defence as Forest threw on the likes of Chris Wood in a late attempt to salvage a point. Read More Charity boss speaks out over ‘traumatic’ encounter with royal aide Ukraine war’s heaviest fight rages in east - follow live

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Pornstar Riley Reid has claimed that she a colleague managed to convince a fan to come back to their hotel room and film a scene with them. 32-year-old Reid shared a photoshoot of herself and OnlyFans creator Rara Knupps on Instagram on Friday wearing matching lingerie, lounging suggestively on a sofa and drinking champagne. The caption for the post, which has been liked more than 172,000 times, saw Reid write: "Last night we convinced a fanboy to come to our room & film a video with us. Don’t you wish you could be this lucky?" There is no suggestion where this hotel is located or who the fanboy was but the post soon naturally piqued a lot of people's interest but not for the reasons you'd expect. Sign up to our free Indy100 weekly newsletter Reid, who is a mother and is married, was soon bombarded by trolls who expressed their disdain for her and Knupps supposedly sleeping with a stranger. One person wrote: "Husband must be proud." Another added: "I don't understand how her husband agrees with this, hell nah." A third said: "Girl u have a kid." However, some of her followers did defend her. One person clapped back: "Y’all need to worry about yourselves instead of random pornstars child. It’s weird." Another said: "Riley all I can say is wow you are the total package beautiful." Meanwhile, fellow pornstar Lena The Plug simply posted four flame emojis. Earlier this year, Reid revealed that she received $12,000 for one single shoot. Speaking on Logan Paul's Impaulsive podcast she said: "The most I’ve gotten from one day… I think $12,000 for one day on a shoot." However, she has also stated that she no longer films scenes with men as it was beginning to impact her life outside of the industry especially when it came to dating. Have your say in our news democracy. Click the upvote icon at the top of the page to help raise this article through the indy100 rankings.

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