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Mark Zuckerberg and I have very little in common. My bank account is much smaller, and nobody would ever be tempted to make a film about my life. But we do share two very important things: we're both tech nerds, and we like putting on pyjamas and having people pretend to kill us. Like Mark Zuckerberg – and now Elon Musk, who he is planning to fight in what would be the world's biggest MMA match – I am a relatively recent convert to Brazilian jiu-jitsu. And like Mark Zuckerberg, I have found that it has improved my whole life, and changed who I am. My own journey with BJJ began in typically nerdy fashion: my partner described it as "human chess", which was enough to make me intrigued. I joined a local gym, 313 Fitness, in London's Manor Park, about a year ago. Initially, I was confused by the complexities of the sport – the "gi" kimono that you wear, the complex positions you're required to get into, the various kinds of rolls and handstands that you do to warm up – but they quickly became both everyday and absolutely thrilling. This is the game of jiu-jitsu: the winner is the person who makes the other submit, by placing them in a position that would lead to their joints being broken or putting them to sleep. This might sound grisly. In some ways it is. But in that violence can be found some of the most important lessons I have learnt in my life – it is an experience that teaches you invaluable lessons about the world, other people, and yourself. The thing that first becomes clear about jiu-jitsu is that you cannot be thinking about anything else. There is no time for anxious overthinking when someone is sat on top of you, trying to break your arm. If you let your attention drift, your opponent will use it to their advantage; losing focus for a moment can mean losing your fight. It's probably obvious how this applies to the rest of your life. But even in the moment there is a brutal thrill in training your focus in this way, and facing painful consequences if you don't. It is a particularly unsparing kind of mindfulness, which teaches you just how valuable your own attention span is. The raw demand on your attention is just one of the very primal parts of the sport. There is a harsh simplicity in the rules of jiu-jitsu: your opponent wants to submit you, and you want to submit them. But at the same time, it employs its own very specific and particular logic. It is a game of leverage, of positioning, and of anticipating the movements of a person who is right on top of you. As with chess, the best players are not thinking about the thing in front of them, but the thing that is coming a few moves down the track. And just like with chess, the winner is the person who can exploit their own strengths, even if they are in a weaker position. This pitiless logic is perhaps the reason that BJJ has proven so appealing to poindexters: Zuckerberg and Musk are far from alone in the sport, and one of its leading lights is Mikey Musemeci, an athlete who calls himself "Darth Rigatoni" and has happily referred to himself as a nerd. Jiu-jitsu might punish overthinking, but it is a profoundly thoughtful martial art. It is a humbling one, too; jiu-jitsu is actively destructive to any sense of pride. Starting as a beginner means literally being forced to submit to another person, something that happens repeatedly even as you become better at the sport. Without the humility to tap, you can find yourself with a broken arm, and it is only through repeatedly submitting to better opponents that you will learn from them. You very quickly realise that having too much ego will hold you back. All of that means that it is also the ideal situation to make human connections: it's hard to feel shy or aloof after someone has thrown you around, and humbled you by making clear that they could put you to sleep if you wished. My gym, 313 Fitness, is just as important for the physical challenge it gives me every couple of days as it is for the collection of local friendships and guidance I receive in each of those sessions. On its mats, I have made friends and found wisdom of a kind that I would not have discovered anywhere else. There are few cures for loneliness like having someone in pyjamas squish you. And there aren't many more important things to learn that the importance of humility, of focus, of finding your own strengths and weaknesses and the hard work required to deal with them. Jiu-jitsu can change you profoundly, reshaping the way you see yourself and the world. Don't let Mark Zuckerberg ruin it for you. Read More Keke Palmer’s boyfriend isn’t the only one who should stop telling women how to dress The work on men’s issues is happening, but who’s been listening? | Elliott Rae Editorial: The BBC should remain as an independent institution Musk, Zuckerberg and the bitter battle for the future of social media Twitter threatens legal action against Meta over its new rival app Threads I tried Mark Zuckerberg’s Twitter rival, Threads – I’m not impressed

Chicken tikka masala is a much-loved dish, but it’s only scratching the surface of delicious food cooked in a tandoor. The tandoor – a clay oven used in a lot of Indian cooking – offers a world of possibilities, and that’s something chef Maunika Gowardhan is keen to uncover. It’s not like there’s just one type of chicken tikka. From murgh malai to reshmi tikka, the options are endless – and Gowardhan, 44, had the best exposure possible growing up in Mumbai. “I grew up on really, really good street food – India is such a vibrant, diverse space. In every region you find some sort of street eat somewhere, and every corner of the country will have some sort of kebab or tikka,” she says. “Sometimes, books can have one or two of those recipes – you can’t have a whole book on just that” – and that’s what Gowardhan has set out to change in her latest cookbook, Tandoori Home Cooking. She wants people to recognise the history of the tandoor: “What really sets it apart, for me, is that it’s a cooking technique that is dated back to the Indus Valley [from 3300 BCE to 1300 BCE]. It’s something that is so historic, that has so much of a rich heritage – it’s such a vital part of how we eat, not just in the streets of India or in restaurants, but even in our own homes.” Even though most homes in India don’t have a clay oven, there are plenty of techniques to replicate that smokey flavour. “When you have a look at the way a clay oven works, essentially it’s heat that’s 360 [degrees],” Gowardhan explains. “In our domestic kitchens, the endeavour is to replicate that – conventional ovens provide heat in an encapsulated space. So they are similar, but they’re not the same.” The main difference is the coals at the bottom of a tandoor – when fat drips from any meat or anything else you put in the clay oven, it drips onto the coal and the smoke that is produced gives the food that “charred, grilled smokey flavour”, she says. But how can you get that at home? One of Gowardhan’s genius tips is making smoked butter. “You can store it in the fridge, and when you start basting your food with that smoked butter, you’re getting the charred, smokey flavour that you’re really yearning for in tandoori dishes.” Not that Gowardhan has been perfecting smoked butter from a young age. “I’m going to put my hand up here and say when I first came to England [25 years ago], I didn’t know how to cook Indian food,” Gowardhan, who now lives in Newcastle upon Tyne, confesses. She came to the UK for university, during which she was “thrilled” to be away from her parents with that “sense of freedom”. But after moving to her first house and getting a job in the city of London, Gowardhan says: “It slowly creeps up on you – when you go to an unfamiliar place, what you really miss is that familiarity.” That’s when Gowardhan started to learn how to cook Indian food, because “I craved it and yearned it all the time”, she says. She would ring her mother back in India and ask for simple recipes – daal, rice, green bean dishes. “I cooked not just for sustenance, I cooked because I missed home and I missed good food,” she reflects. Since then, Gowardhan fell in love with food and made her way into the industry, and this is her third cookbook. She now deems it her “calling”, saying: “I knew food was something that was a leveler on every aspect of my life. “When we did really well, my mother would say, ‘Can I make you something?’ If we were really upset she was like, ‘Let me cook for you’.” Gowardhan also suspects some of it comes from her grandmother, who was an “avid cook”. “My grandmother was the hostess with the mostess. In the 1950s in the city of Bombay, a lot of film stars and Bollywood film stars in India would actually come to my grandmother’s house to eat her food. To be a fly on the wall at my grandmother’s dinner parties…” Gowardhan’s grandmother passed down these recipes, and her mother’s passion for food “gave us this effervescence for cooking and eating good food”, she adds. After dedicating the past 20 or so years of her career to Indian food, there’s a major thing Gowardhan would like people to know about the cuisine. “People tend to forget it’s actually a subcontinent. Because it’s a subcontinent, you realise there is so much more, and every community has so much more to say about the food they cook. “Of course, it’s blurred boundaries as you go through every space, but I feel like every 20 or 30 kilometres you’re travelling, the food changes – because the crop changes, because the climate changes, because the soil changes. All of that makes a huge difference.” So, when people ask her to sum up Indian food, Gowardhan says: “It’s like saying, ‘What is your favourite European food?’ Impossible.” ‘Tandoori Home Cooking’ by Maunika Gowardhan (Hardie Grant, £25). Read More Banging brunch recipes worth getting out of bed for Think pink: Three ways with rhubarb to make the most of the season Love wine but can’t afford it? Here’s how to drink luxury for less Three meat-free dishes to try this National Vegetarian Week How to make TikTok’s viral whole roasted cauliflower Gordon Ramsay: ‘I’m going off the beaten track to become a better cook’

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