We survived Logan Roy's (Brian Cox) funeral, but at what cost?
Succesion Season 4, episode 9, "Church and State" — or as I like to call it, "Four Eulogies and a Funeral" — took us through the Roys' last goodbyes to their father. But as is customary with any Roy family gathering at this point, Logan's funeral wasn't just a funeral. It was an opportunity for power plays, vicious insults, and some truly awkward networking. By the end of the episode, the future of the Roy siblings and the Waystar deal is still up in the air, but one thing is for sure: the Roys have abominable funeral etiquette.
From poorly timed business maneuvers to wildly off-color jokes, here are 10 moments when the Roys' funeral behavior forced me to hide behind my fingers, pause the episode, or just yell, "Read the room!"
SEE ALSO: 'Succession' Season 4: How does episode 9 set up the show's grand finale?1. All the pre-funeral shenanigans
Juliana Canfield and Jeremy Strong in "Succession." Credit: Macall Polay/HBOLogan's funeral may be the dramatic main course of "Church and State," but that doesn't mean we can't have some cringe-worthy appetizers.
Much of these pre-funeral horrors come courtesy of Kendall (Jeremy Strong), who is naturally in a bad place given the circumstances. However, he's so caught up in his father's big day that he is unaware of how his other actions (like shepherding in a fascist president) impact the others in his orbit. He tries to stop his ex-wife Rava (Natalie Gold) from leaving New York City with their kids in the wake of Mencken's (Justin Kirk) supposed victory, threatening to block her car like a petulant child. Then he bullies his assistant Jess (Juliana Canfield) into revealing she wants to look for other job opportunities and has the gall to blame her for the bad timing.
Bonus heinousness points go to Roman (Kieran Culkin) for following Shiv's (Sarah Snook) pregnancy announcement with an all-too on-brand joke about breastfeeding and masturbation. These interactions already leave you with a bad taste in your mouth, which can only mean one thing: It's funeral time!
2. Connor's attempts to squeeze in a last-minute eulogy
We know that eldest son Connor (Alan Ruck) has been in charge of planning Logan's funeral. Theoretically, he could have abused his powers and snuck his own eulogy onto the program, but, no, he comes up to Shiv as the guests are arriving in a last-ditch attempt to speak. We never actually hear what he planned to say, but Willa's (Justine Lupe) description of it as "formally inventive" and Shiv's worries that it could "leave us open to legal action" are enough to ring the alarm bells.
Given Connor's track record of giving Succession eulogies — who could forget, "When a a man dies, it is sad" — not letting him talk is the right move.
3. A funeral isn't a business meeting, Roman!
Harriet Walter, Kieran Culkin, Sarah Snook, and Jeremy Strong in "Succession." Credit: Macall Polay/HBOAs guests pour into the funeral, Roman accosts Kendall with a question: "Who have you hit?" To which I respond, "Who knew that four simple words could give me full-body nausea?"
You would think that a funeral, of all things, would be the event that gets the Roys to stop thinking about business. But the presence of Mencken and Mattson (Alexander Skarsgård) outweighs decorum, so Roman sets off on a journey to shore up support should Mencken block the Waystar-GoJo deal. This earns him a disapproving "hmmm" from Frank (Peter Friedman), which I think sums it up best. Sure, Logan may have been impressed by his son's funerary machinations — after all, he was willing to miss Connor's wedding to visit Mattson. But look how that turned out!
SEE ALSO: The 'Succession' Season 4 poster hinted at Logan Roy's biggest moment4. A funeral isn't a networking event, Greg!
Cousin Greg (Nicholas Braun) continues to try to weasel his way to the top this episode, asking Roman "for an intro" with Mencken and then sliding into an absent Tom's (Matthew Macfadyen) spot as wheelman. "Can I inquire about front right?" he asks Tom, after giving him a sob story about "wanting closure" just minutes prior. And just like that, my nausea is back.
5. A funeral isn't an autograph line, Peter!
Pip Torrens and Harriet Walter in "Succession." Credit: Macall Polay/HBOCaroline Collingwood's (Harriet Walter) husband Peter Munion (Pip Torrens) doesn't appear much in Succession, but when he does, you know it will be awkward. "Daddy's here!" he tells his stepchildren, informing us that when it comes to reading rooms, he is woefully illiterate. The pain doesn't stop there, though: Caroline jokes that Peter's brought his autograph book. From the looks of his excitement about all the influential Senators mulling around, Caroline's joke may be more fact than fiction. Time to join Greg in the networking trenches, Peter.
6. Shiv pitches herself as CEO
Alexander Skarsgård and Sarah Snook in "Succession." Credit: Macall Polay/HBOShiv takes a page from Roman's funeral playbook and makes some big business moves this episode, telling Mattson that he should choose her as an American CEO to placate Mencken. Hey, you could have had this discussion any time since you started teaming up, but no time like your dad's funeral, right? Shiv certainly seems to think so: "I can do fucking anything, my dad just died."
SEE ALSO: 'Succession': 14 WTF quotes that will haunt my nightmares from episode 97. The Roys try to block Ewan from speaking
I know I was just applauding Shiv for not letting Connor deliver his "formally inventive" speech, but the Roys conspiring to block Logan's own brother Ewan (James Cromwell) from speaking is gross in its own right. Plus, it creates a highly uncomfortable tussle in the church aisle. Ewan makes a more-than-fair point when he asks, "What sort of people would stop a brother speaking at the sake of a share price?"
The Roys' fears about Ewan causing a scene do come to pass when he goes on a tear about the terrible things Logan has wrought, but he also delivers some thoughtful vignettes from their childhood — including what happened to their sister Rose. Really, this whole conflict could have been avoided had the family just talked more about the funeral program, instead of just letting Connor organize the whole thing by himself. "Reagan's [funeral], with tweaks" is a tough assignment to pull off alone!
8. Kendall tries to be his father — again
Jeremy Strong and Sarah Snook in "Succession." Credit: Macall Polay/HBONate (Ashley Zukerman) may have told Kendall that he isn't Logan, but that's not going to stop Kendall from trying. Upon learning of Shiv's plot, Kendall goes into overdrive, telling Hugo (Fisher Stevens) that he plans to tank the deal, then recruiting Logan's former bodyguard Colin (Scott Nicholson) to work for him.
But make no mistake: These are not allies to Kendall. They're tools. "You'll be my dog," he tells Hugo. (Hugo's into it, based on his "woof.") As for Colin, Kendall lets slip that he knows he's talking to a therapist, and that whatever he says about Logan could get out and hurt the company. What's worse: Kendall bullying Colin into submission, or the flagrant breach of doctor-patient confidentiality?
9. Everyone wants to talk to Mencken
Jeremy Strong and Justin Kirk in "Succession." Credit: Macall Polay/HBOAt the post-funeral reception, every Roy in existence wants a piece of Mencken. They all flock to his table like he's The Bachelor and they just want to steal him for a sec. Is there anything more uncomfortable than watching the Roys casually try to further their own agendas? I don't know, but I do know that if Succession had Smell-O-Vision, this scene would let us know exactly what desperation smells like.
10. Whoever recorded Roman crying, count your days
Kieran Culkin in "Succession." Credit: Macall Polay/HBOIn a funeral full of scheming, Kendall, Shiv, and Roman's eulogies for their father were the truest, most sincere displays of their grief. Roman's, in particular, is especially heartbreaking. After all his talk of having "pre-grieved," he breaks down in tears and is unable to deliver the eulogy he'd rehearsed with such bravado that same morning.
In the final minutes of the episode, we learn that someone in the audience recorded Roman's sobs. Karl (David Rasche) informs Frank, Hugo, and Gerri (J. Smith-Cameron) that the the recording is circulating, describing Roman as sounding "like a sow that's about to get the stun gun and knows it." Even with Roman's horrendous behavior throughout Succession, the recording is an unspeakably cruel act. However, it makes for a remarkable bookend to an episode that begins with Roman on top of the world, and ends with him curled on the street, stampeded by a protest resulting from his election night actions.
The series finale of Succession airs May 28 at 9 p.m. ET on HBO and HBO Max.
