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How to help your teen with comparison culture on GCSE results day
How to help your teen with comparison culture on GCSE results day
Whether your child’s GCSE results are high, low, or somewhere in between, one thing is inevitable – they’ll compare them with their friends’ grades. This comparison culture, which is far more pervasive because of social media, can leave teens feeling inadequate because their results are worse than their mates, or make their friends feel useless if roles are reversed. But although there’s no getting away from teenagers comparing their results both on and offline, what can parents do to try and limit the damage this it can cause? Former teacher Dr Julia Clements, principal educational psychologist at the children’s mental health charity Place2Be, says the comparison of results will undoubtedly impact some teenagers’ wellbeing. “Your teenager is bound to compare their results with their peers at the same school, but also through social media,” she acknowledges. “Although this comparison is inevitable, it may be harmful for your child’s wellbeing – especially if they’ve not done as well as expected. “Indeed, the term ‘compare and despair’ can be especially pertinent on days like today.” Sharon Davies, CEO of Young Enterprise, a charity which helps young people navigate the changing world of work, adds: “The pressure to measure up to their friends’ achievements can be overwhelming, leading to feelings of inadequacy or disappointment.” So how can parents help their teens? 1. Ask how they feel If your child is down on themselves and rating themselves negatively in comparison to their friends, they may reject any positives and praise parents provide, Clements warns. “It may be more useful, in the first instance, to ask them how they’re feeling, and to acknowledge and validate difficult feelings,” she advises. Such feelings may include disappointment, sadness, anger, shame, or feeling as if they’ve let themselves – and you – down. “If your child is feeling like this, it’s important to give them the message that you love them unconditionally and you’re proud and pleased to be their parent because of who they are – not because of the grades they achieve,” she stresses. 2. If they’ve done better than their friends… If your child has achieved good results, which may be better than some of their friends, then they’ll want to celebrate. But while celebrating is of course a great idea, Clements suggests: “You may want to talk with them about how to be sensitive and compassionate towards their friends who haven’t done so well.” 3. Help them turn a negative into a positive Consultant clinical psychologist Dr Nihara Krause specialises in teenage mental health and is working with the Talking Futures campaign to help parents engage their children in meaningful conversations about their futures. She says if a young person doesn’t get the grades they were hoping for, they may be highly critical of their performance in comparison to their peers. But she suggests parents show them how to turn their negative thinking around. “Parents should encourage their children to focus on recognising the approach they took to exams this time round and take steps to reflect on what they could do to achieve a better result in the future. Focus on what helps a young person gain their own personal best, no matter how their results compare with others.” 4. Don’t ask about their friend’s results or post about them Krause says parents should try to celebrate their child’s achievements for what they are and avoid asking about their friends’ results. “To avoid comparison, parents should also avoid sharing their child’s results on social media,” she says. 5. Don’t be too hard on yourself Clements points out that comparison culture may not just affect teenagers – if their results aren’t as good as expected, mums and dads might start comparing their own parenting during the revision and exam period with other parents whose kids have got better results. “As a parent or carer, you may also be drawn into unhelpful comparisons with others,” says Clements, “and you may question the amount of support you were able to provide your child in the run up to their exams. However, today is not a day for self-criticism or judgements – some self-compassion is important at this time.” 6. Reach out for support This might be the first results day many parents have gone through with their child, and while comparisons with other teens may well have been unhelpful, Davies points out that schools will have career advisers and teachers available who can offer support and advice. There are also online forums and blogs where those in similar situations share their experiences. She says: “No-one is expecting you to have all the answers – that’s why there’s support available.” Read More Charity boss speaks out over ‘traumatic’ encounter with royal aide Ukraine war’s heaviest fight rages in east - follow live Women more severely affected by ME, study claims 4 hacks to get teens off the sofa and get active – as study warns of heart damage Taking adult education classes may lower risk of dementia, study suggests
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Can Luciano Spalletti remake his Napoli recipe in charge of Italy?
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Luciano Spalletti was supposed to be on his Tuscan farm now. Arguably, though, he should still be at Napoli, managing what had looked like Europe’s most unexpectedly entertaining side. Instead, he will be at Wembley on Tuesday, in charge of Italy, his appointment a consequence of a combination of factors from the personal to the political, the footballing to the financial. Or, in a different way, of two emails. One, triggering the extension in his Napoli contract without a pay rise, stemmed from club president Aurelio De Laurentiis, and instead prompted his resignation. A need for a sabbatical on his farm the cited reason; a breakdown in relationships more of a cause. The other, from Roberto Mancini’s camp a few months later, was his sudden resignation as Italy manager, the first to lead the Azzurri to a major title since Enzo Bearzot, trading the patriotism of leading his country for a reported £20m a year to take charge of Saudi Arabia instead. And so it will be Spalletti in England, his presence a product of the enduring pulling power of the Azzurri job. While elite club coaches often eschew the international game, three of the last four incumbents, including Antonio Conte, are Scudetto winners, whereas no England manager has won the Premier League or the old Division 1 since Don Revie. It comes after the greatest feat of a career in the dugout that dates back three decades. Spalletti became only the third manager to secure Napoli the Serie A title, and the first to do so without the benefit of Diego Maradona’s genius. The title was clinched in May: the footballing high came last autumn, amid a run of 13 consecutive wins in all competitions. There were 20 goals in the Champions League group stage: the 4-1 evisceration of Liverpool was, despite Manchester City’s spring demolitions of Bayern Munich and Real Madrid, arguably the finest performance in the competition all season. Rewind a year and Napoli were arguably the best side in world football at the time. Which few predicted after the departures of Dries Mertens, Lorenzo Insigne and Kalidou Koulibaly. If there was magic in Spalletti’s attacking side, there was also the element of the unknown, in the revelation Khvicha Kvaratskhelia. What it was not, however, was a particularly Italian team: only three of the 14 players with the most appearances are even eligible for the Azzurri. Spalletti may name two of his former charges in his starting XI at Wembley, but while Giovanni Di Lorenzo captained Napoli, Giacomo Raspadori was only the understudy to the prolific Victor Osimhen. If Spalletti’s alchemy is illustrated by Napoli’s struggles under his successor Rudi Garcia – beaten three times already at home this season, they have lost to each of the best sides they have faced – it may be required by Italy. His inheritance is mixed. “Once we have played [England], then I will tell you what the potential is,” Spalletti said after Saturday’s 4-0 win over Malta. It is little more than a year since Italy were on a record run of 37 games unbeaten. It is only 28 months since the Azzurri won Euro 2020 at Wembley; in a rematch with England, perhaps only Gianluigi Donnarumma, Di Lorenzo and Nicolo Barella will start both games. Before England’s March win in Naples, Mancini lamented the Italian talent pool. “We are worse off than Southgate,” he said. It was a sign of the negativity enveloping him, an indication of the disenchantment that may have propelled him to the desert. He gave 57 players their debuts, casting around with ingenuity and impatience. He looked to the Oriundi, seeking to naturalise some from the Italian diaspora. Spalletti has dropped the Argentina-born forward Mateo Retegui; he has also omitted some of the stalwarts of the recent past, in Leonardo Bonucci, Marco Verratti and Jorginho, while recalling Giacomo Bonaventura who, at 34, is older than his fellow midfielders. He has five of Internazionale’s Champions League final starters and has given a debut to Tottenham’s in-form left-back Destiny Udogie. In other respects, however, it could be seen as an undistinguished squad, certainly compared to Italy’s past. Lose and, if Ukraine beat Malta, Italy will find themselves three points behind their rivals for second spot, with a game in hand but a de facto decider when they face Ukraine in Leverkusen in November. It could mean Italy miss three of four major tournaments after Euro 2016; the added curiosity being that they won the other one. In part, it reflects the tragedy of Mancini; unused as a hugely gifted forward in the 1990 World Cup, omitted in 1994 after falling out with Arrigo Sacchi, he had declared his ambition was to win the World Cup as Italy manager. Instead, they failed to qualify for the 2022 tournament; if he is at the 2026 version, it will be as the richly rewarded Saudi Arabia manager. There will be no Euro 2024 for him; there may be for Spalletti. A wizened, gnomic figure is scarcely the stereotype of an Italian manager: more attack-minded, more idealistic, for years the architect of sides who were stylish nearly men. But then so, too, were an Azzurri side who influenced him in his upbringing. At his unveiling, Spalletti said he would carry the giant Italy flag his mother sewed for him as an 11-year-old to celebrate the 1970 World Cup semi-final win against West Germany. It was an epic 4-3. More than half a century later, Spalletti has no Gigi Riva, Gianni Rivera or Sandro Mazzola, nor an Osimhen or a Kvaratskhelia, no world-class forward. But, for the second time in two seasons, he has the chance to use his principles and his capacity to generate something spectacular from seemingly unpromising ingredients to make history. Read More Wembley revenge to seal place at Euro 2024? – England v Italy talking points Gareth Southgate fired up as England face ‘revitalised’ Italy in crunch clash England fans may have turned on Jordan Henderson — but he still has Gareth Southgate England fans may have turned on Jordan Henderson — but he still has Gareth Southgate Belgium officials release details on suspected shooter of Sweden fans On this day in 2018: Shahid Khan withdraws £900m offer to buy Wembley from FA
2023-10-17 14:51
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