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A woman who felt she was “trapped in this really dark world” due to her anxiety, causing her to have panic attacks, cancel her hen do, and feel she was “constantly on the verge of having a heart attack”, has said “therapy has allowed (her) to feel like (herself)” again and she has since gone on to marry her best friend who she met at school. Kirsty McKillop, 34, a strategist who lives in Walthamstow, London, said she had experienced anxiety “on and off” throughout her life, but it became all-consuming during the Covid pandemic – particularly after going through a redundancy process at her previous job in PR, which knocked her confidence and made her question her self-worth. She said she felt trapped in this “prison” that she had created in her mind and started “catastrophising” – she thought she would “lose everything in (her) life that she cared about”. “I felt like I was basically being crushed by the dark and being suffocated by it and I couldn’t get out,” she said. Kirsty decided to quit her job to look after her mental health, but then “everything went from bad to worse” as she started to experience debilitating physical symptoms. She would cry every day, vomit, experience heart palpitations, have panic attacks, feel agitated and extremely restless, and lie awake in bed until the morning. At her lowest point, Kirsty said she did not believe that she could get better, and she did not engage in “anything that might help her”. However, with the continued support of her now-husband, Liam, 34, family and friends, she began engaging in therapy from December 2021 – and gradually over time she could “physically feel (her anxiety) lifting”. She has since gone on to get married – something she previously did not think was possible – and go on her honeymoon to South Africa, and she now wishes to give the message that “life without anxiety is possible”. “No matter what level of anxiety you’re feeling, it isn’t something that you have to accept as part of life,” she said. “Whilst it is a natural human response, it’s not something you have to live with, and, going through therapy, it has just completely freed me from those feelings and I’m so much happier.” According to the charity Mind, anxiety is a natural human response when we feel that we are under threat; it can be experienced through our thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations. Kirsty had experienced anxiety at varying stages in her life, but during lockdown, when her job was at risk, her mind was “swamped” with negative and “obsessive” thoughts, with everyday places and situations becoming “bleak and scary and threatening”. While Kirsty did not lose her job, the redundancy process knocked her confidence, and her heightened emotions quickly spiralled into physical symptoms of anxiety. She felt she was in “this constant state of panic” and started “overthinking everything”. “I had really irrational thoughts that I was going to lose everything in my life that I cared about because I was not able to function day to day,” she said. “I think, eventually, it did turn into depression, and then I had quite intrusive thoughts around not wanting to wake up if I did get to sleep. “Not being able to sleep, not being able to eat, being sick, crying, feeling like I was having a heart attack, and feeling terrified of everything was really scary.” Kirsty would lie in bed and try to “disassociate” from her anxiety, but her intrusive thoughts just kept “swirling around in her head”. She then decided to quit her job in September 2021 “to give her the headspace” she felt she needed, but the lack of structure and routine in her life only made her anxiety worse. “It had taken over my head so much that I could not think rationally – everything was like, I’m worried about holding down a job, therefore, I’m not going to be able to pay the mortgage, therefore, I’m going to lose the house, therefore, I’m going to lose my husband and all my friends, and I’m going to end up with nothing,” she explained. “Despite having incredibly supportive friends who would come and just be with me for hours, I still had that fear.” Kirsty remembers a specific conversation where her parents and her then-fiance were discussing the wedding, and she thought: “This is ridiculous, there’s no way I’m going to get married in this state.” By this point, she had started losing consciousness during the day and blacking out, and she had to cancel her hen do. In November 2021, after moving back to her home town in Yorkshire, Kirsty’s family and friends encouraged her to seek professional support, as she was “stuck, trapped, in this completely different place”. Kirsty’s loved ones had looked after her throughout this period and previously suggested she seek help, but she was not willing to engage as she thought “it’s not going to make a difference”. She then started speaking to a therapist who was right for her in December 2021, and Kirsty said she was “pulled out of this horrible world”. Through having sessions once or twice a week, and with cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), Kirsty said she felt she was “becoming much more rational” as she started to “challenge” her thoughts. The CBT focused on thinking about the facts, rather than “the feelings and the catastrophising” she had been experiencing, to try to “break the cycles of negative thinking”. She said: “When that feeling starts to lift, you think, I can get better, and I want to get better. “It’s not about fighting those thoughts, but accepting them and recognising they’re not facts.” By February 2022, Kirsty started to feel like herself again – she stopped being sick, no longer had panic attacks, and was able to sleep. In April, she started a new job as a strategist, which she now loves, and in July she married Liam and had “an amazing day”. Looking back now, Kirsty said she “dreads to think where she would have been” if she did not start having therapy, and she is beyond grateful for the support she has received from her family and friends. She does not want anyone else to go through the “absolute hell” she has, and wants to encourage more open dialogue and acceptance around mental health and anxiety, as she believes it “shouldn’t define you”. “Anxiety is a natural response, but when it gets to the point where you’re having intrusive thoughts, or it’s affecting you physically, or it’s stopping you from doing things, that’s when it’s not normal and you shouldn’t accept it,” Kirsty explained. “It’s not a state of well or unwell, it’s a state of always making sure you’re looking after yourself because life is always going to throw different challenges at you.” She added: “I enjoy life so much more without letting anxious thoughts spoil my day-to-day life… and therapy has just allowed me to feel like myself and enjoy being myself.” Kirsty is one of many who have offered quotes to inform and create a striking collection of AI art to shine a light on anxiety symptoms. The artwork, from the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP), has been installed outside London Waterloo – for more information, visit www.bacp.co.uk/anxietyis. Read More I was a child with mental health problems. Nothing excuses the way I was treated Mum suffered panic attacks for 30 years due to unusual phobia ‘I spent too much money on your wedding’: Musician calls out married friend for flirting with other women Charity boss speaks out over ‘traumatic’ encounter with royal aide Ukraine war’s heaviest fight rages in east - follow live

What the papers say With deadline day on the horizon, Chelsea have looked towards Arsenal young gun Folarin Balogun to bolster their forwards, the Evening Standard reports. The 22-year-old is being considered by Chelsea but Arsenal will not let him go cheaply, slapping a £50million transfer fee on the striker who will be off contract in June 2025. He scored 21 goals in 37 matches while on loan at French side Reims. The Mirror says Arsenal have told Saudi Pro League teams and Real Madrid that defender Gabriel is not for sale. Everton have pulled out of the race for Callum Hudson-Odoi, the Liverpool Echo says, but are still interested in Southampton striker Che Adams. Manchester United and Chelsea are both interested in signing 16-year-old Croatian striker Dino Klapija from Croatian club Kustosija. Social media round-up Players to watch Andre: ESPN reports that Brazilian Serie A team Fluminense have rejected Liverpool’s £25million bid for the 22-year-old midfielder who want to keep him for the remainder of the season. Lucas Paqueta: Despite his ongoing Football Association investigation, Sky Sports says Manchester City could reignite their £80million bid for the West Ham midfielder in January after the investigation into alleged betting breaches are concluded. Read More Charity boss speaks out over ‘traumatic’ encounter with royal aide Ukraine war’s heaviest fight rages in east - follow live

Researchers have revealed how muscle cells deteriorate with age, affecting their ability to regenerate and recover after an injury. The findings could help to shed light on why it takes people longer to recover from muscle damage as they age. A team at Nottingham Trent University analysed the genes inside muscle cells, and found the ‘development pathways’ – the different ways in which genes work together to regenerate muscle – become weakened in older cells. We know that healthy muscle regenerates after we’ve had an injury but ageing impairs that regeneration potential and recovery gets harder the older we get Dr Livia Santos, Nottingham Trent University Lead researcher Dr Livia Santos, an expert in musculoskeletal biology in Nottingham Trent University’s School of Science and Technology, said: “This goes some way towards explaining why muscle injuries may take longer to recover as we get older.” She added: “We know that healthy muscle regenerates after we’ve had an injury but ageing impairs that regeneration potential and recovery gets harder the older we get. “What we’ve observed, in terms of what happens inside the cells, helps us to better understand why we don’t heal as well or as quickly in older age. “The pathways that control cell processes and development work differently in older cells and are downregulated, meaning regeneration is impacted the older we get. “If we can understand these pathways, however, we could potentially identify new therapies and interventions to mitigate the problem.” The researchers developed a new approach to examine muscle cells in the laboratory to enable them to observe the different mechanisms that drive muscle ageing. They studied muscle cells from donors, chemically injuring cells after they had been donated and isolated, then assessing how they heal and regenerate back to their pre-injury baseline levels. When they looked at cells from a 20-year-old and a 68-year-old donor, researchers found distinct differences in the development pathways of the younger and older cells. While younger muscle cells fully recovered from the injury, the team found that in older cells the genes expressed less of what they needed to, leaving the cells no longer able to perform in the way they should. According to the researchers, this contributes to reduced regeneration capacity leading to thinner, less robust ‘myotubes’ – a type of cell that can fully develop into a muscle fibre. Muscle regeneration is a complex and finely balanced biological process and is known to deteriorate with ageing, leading to the decline of musculoskeletal health and in some cases metabolic and genetic diseases. Our work enables us to examine muscle cell regeneration across the lifespan and this in turn could be key for future drug discovery for disease related to muscle ageing Researcher Janelle Tarum Janelle Tarum, another researcher on the study, said: “We’ve been able to develop a new approach to assess muscle regeneration which involves a state-of-the-art technique called RNA-sequencing. “There’s a very clear reduced regeneration capacity and weakened recovery of aged cells and we have been able to further understand the factors underlying this impairment. “Our work enables us to examine muscle cell regeneration across the lifespan and this in turn could be key for future drug discovery for disease related to muscle ageing.” The study, which also involved Manchester Metropolitan University and Liverpool John Moores University, is published in the Journal of Tissue Engineering and Regenerative Medicine.

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