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How to go sober if your partner still drinks
Jennifer Lopez has come under fire for launching and promoting her new alcohol brand, due to her husband Ben Affleck’s problems with alcoholism. The 53-year-old Let’s Get Loud singer, who had previously told InStyle that she abstains from caffeine and alcohol, took to Instagram following the announcement of her new liquor brand Delola, saying she enjoyed the “occasional cocktail” but did not drink to excess. Fans had been quick to criticise her, posting comments like, ‘Why not respect your husband’s sobriety?’ Her husband Ben Affleck, 50, has been candid about his struggles with alcoholism. In a 2020 New York Times interview, he shared: “It took me a long time to fundamentally, deeply, without a hint of doubt, admit to myself that I am an alcoholic… The next drink will not be different.” Affleck is sober, but seemingly, Lopez is not. “Going sober can be really difficult, especially if your partner drinks. There may be aspects of your drinking which they enjoy, so it’s quite common for people close to you, to say things which make it harder to go sober,” says Dr David McLaughlan, a visiting consultant psychiatrist for the Priory. So, how can you do it if your partner isn’t so keen? Consider what you will gain “Going sober might mean less drunken fallouts or arguments about incidents which occurred under the influence of alcohol. Avoiding hangovers also gives you back a lot more quality time together and more free cash to spend on things that matter to you,” says McLaughlan. If more sex and higher fertility are important to you, quitting the booze may help, perhaps helping to garner support from your partner too. “You might also notice increased libido and erectile function when you quit drinking. Even small amounts of alcohol reduce your fertility, so giving up will also increase your chances of falling pregnant together,” he explains. Find the right time to discuss it It may be a sensitive topic to dive into. “It is important when you go sober, that you find a time when your partner is calm, collected and willing to discuss a big change in your relationship,” says Phil Jackman, an addiction therapist at private rehab clinic Delamere. “Attempting to speak to them when they are stressed or busy may lead to unnecessary conflict. “Once you’ve found the right time, be honest with your partner and let them know the reasons you are giving up alcohol, and how this might impact your relationship. Hopefully, they will be supportive of your decision, but there might need to be a few things you need to work through first. “If you are with a partner that still likes a drink, try asking them if they can remove any alcohol from the house, or from a place you have access to it, so you aren’t tempted to give up on your sobriety,” he says. Don’t make unfair demands of them “Though it is fair to ask your partner to stop drinking and support you in sobriety, it is important that this is not a strict expectation of them. Assuming someone will automatically change their lifestyle just to suit yours may cause unnecessary conflict,” Jackman says. “Instead, when you make the decision to go sober, it’s important that you sit and talk through the reasons why you want to give up drinking, so they fully understand your decision. You may find they want to improve their own personal relationship with alcohol. However, it’s important to note, not everyone will be willing to do so. ” Seek out authenticity One of you quitting drinking could break a dangerous cycle. “If you and your partner regularly drink, more than just socialising with friends or during an occasion, your relationship could develop with a co-dependency to alcohol, where you are drinking to maintain the relationship,” says Dr Stefan Walters, Caba’s addiction specialist. “As humans, we can be highly influenced by peer pressure and the people around us. So, if we are socialising with those who drink heavily, we may feel a judgement for being sober, or that we are not joining in on the fun,” he explains. Pushing past that dependency will help you be authentic with your partner. “When you are sober, your personality is authentic, and you will feel emotionally present throughout conversations and experiences with your partner,” Walters adds. Find new things to do together If one of you does not drink, you may have to think outside the box about things you can do together. “If you are still feeling this way about the activities or hobbies after some time, I’d recommend speaking openly with your partner about adjusting or changing them,” says Walters. “Generally, you may feel that you’d rather take up healthier hobbies, like physical pursuits or mentally stimulating activities, instead of those centred around drinking, like quizzes or socialising at the pub. “So, it’s not necessarily about how to enjoy the same things, but working out how to spend time together through new activities that you both enjoy and receive emotional fulfilment from,” he explains. Going sober could help you find something new you love to do together. 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Elon Musk vs Mark Zuckerberg: Who would win a fight between tech titans?
Who would win a fight between Elon Musk or Mark Zuckerberg? It’s the sort of question that might be asked over a drink in the pub. But a clash between the two of the world’s tech tycoons may no longer be hypothetical after Mr Zuckerberg apparently agreed to a cage fight with Mr Musk. When rumours emerged earlier this month that the Facebook boss – a Jiu Jitsu enthusiast – was looking for a rival, the Space X and Tesla founder tweeted that he was “up for a cage match”. Mr Zuckerberg then posted a screenshot of the tweet with the caption “send me location”. Now that a fight appears on the cards, how would the two men match up inside the ring? At more than 6ft tall, Mr Musk would have a clear reach advantage over Mr Zuckerberg, who measures up at 5ft 8in. His height also means he would also have a significant weight advantage over his opponent, but Mr Zuckerberg’s Jiu Jitsu skills - he recently won his first gold and silver medals at a Silicon Valley tournament - would undoubtedly enable him to get out of a few sticky situations on the canvas. Mr Musk joked he had a “great move” to show off, noting that his workout regime consists mostly of spending time with his children. “I have this great move that I call ‘The Walrus’ where I just lie on top of my opponent & do nothing,” he tweeted. He added: “I almost never work out, except for picking up my kids & throwing them in the air.” In 2020, Mr Musk also told Joe Rogan that he “wouldn’t exercise at all if [he] could”. Although Mr Zuckerberg is smaller and lighter than Mr Musk, his technical ability and aerobic capacity could prove too much for the Tesla boss, who earlier this year said that his typical breakfast included a bowl of ice cream, biscuits and a donut. Mr Zuckerberg says he used to “run a lot” and got into surfing and then MMA after the Covid pandemic. “I really like watching UFC for example, that’s because I also like doing the sport [MMA],” he said on the Joe Rogan Experience. “It really is the best sport, five minutes in I was like ‘where has this best my whole life?’ To some degree, MMA is the perfect thing because if you stop paying attention for one second you’re going to end up on bottom.” In addition to his martial arts skills, Mr Zuckerberg also recently participated in the “Murph Challenge,” a gruelling workout named after Lt Michael P Murphy, a Navy Seal who was killed in action in 2005. The challenge, which the 39 year old said he tries to do each year with his daughters, involves 100 pull ups, 200 push ups, 300 squats, and a mile-long run, all while wearing a 20-pound weighted vest. “This year I got it done in 39:58. The girls did a quarter-Murph (unweighted) in 15 mins!” he wrote on Instagram on 29 May. According to Total Shape, a health and fitness platform that provides resources and expertise from fitness experts, Mr Zuckerberg’s ability to “complete extreme fitness challenges and technique with mixed martial arts showcases he has substantial ability and endurance”. When it comes down to who would win in a fight, “it is agility vs strength,” experts at Total Shape say, while noting that, based on “general endurance and skill for cage fighting, Mark Zuckerberg would have the upper hand”. However, “having strength and longer reach can give a fighter a lead when it comes to forceful striking and make it more difficult for the opponent to strike back”. Ultimately, the health and fitness experts at Total Shape conclude: “Placing both titans in a cage, Mark Zuckerberg would have the edge of agility and endurance needed to take Mr Musk down, given Mr Musk isn’t able to forcefully strike him earlier on in the fight.” The potential face-off comes amid rumours that Mr Zuckerberg is preparing to create a new app to rival Twitter, which is expected to be called Threads. The app, internally codenamed Project 92, will reportedly feature a continuous scroll of text, buttons similar to Twitter’s like and retweet functions, and a 500-character limit on posts. It is not the first time Mr Musk has called for a fight with a global figure. In August last year he challenged the Russian president to a scrap. "I hereby challenge Vladimir Putin to a fight. The prize is Ukraine," he wrote. Putin didn’t respond to the goading but the irony was apparently lost on his Chechen war lord ally, Ramzan Kadyrov. "A word of advice: don’t measure your strength against Putin’s, you’re in two different leagues," the henchman warned. In a statement to Verge about whether a fight will indeed take place between Mr Zuckerberg and Mr Musk, a spokesperson for Meta said: “The story speaks for itself.” Read More Mark Zuckerberg takes a swipe at Twitter over handling of Hunter Biden laptop story Elon Musk confirms cage fight with Mark Zuckerberg Elon Musk breaks silence on Titanic submarine that reportedly used Starlink internet Elon Musk vs Mark Zuckerberg: Who would win a fight between tech titans? Elon Musk’s sister says she’s been overcharged due to her last name Elon Musk appears to side with Republican who criticised Megan Fox’s parenting
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