How to go sober if your partner still drinks
Jennifer Lopez has come under fire for launching and promoting her new alcohol brand, due to her husband Ben Affleck’s problems with alcoholism. The 53-year-old Let’s Get Loud singer, who had previously told InStyle that she abstains from caffeine and alcohol, took to Instagram following the announcement of her new liquor brand Delola, saying she enjoyed the “occasional cocktail” but did not drink to excess. Fans had been quick to criticise her, posting comments like, ‘Why not respect your husband’s sobriety?’ Her husband Ben Affleck, 50, has been candid about his struggles with alcoholism. In a 2020 New York Times interview, he shared: “It took me a long time to fundamentally, deeply, without a hint of doubt, admit to myself that I am an alcoholic… The next drink will not be different.” Affleck is sober, but seemingly, Lopez is not. “Going sober can be really difficult, especially if your partner drinks. There may be aspects of your drinking which they enjoy, so it’s quite common for people close to you, to say things which make it harder to go sober,” says Dr David McLaughlan, a visiting consultant psychiatrist for the Priory. So, how can you do it if your partner isn’t so keen? Consider what you will gain “Going sober might mean less drunken fallouts or arguments about incidents which occurred under the influence of alcohol. Avoiding hangovers also gives you back a lot more quality time together and more free cash to spend on things that matter to you,” says McLaughlan. If more sex and higher fertility are important to you, quitting the booze may help, perhaps helping to garner support from your partner too. “You might also notice increased libido and erectile function when you quit drinking. Even small amounts of alcohol reduce your fertility, so giving up will also increase your chances of falling pregnant together,” he explains. Find the right time to discuss it It may be a sensitive topic to dive into. “It is important when you go sober, that you find a time when your partner is calm, collected and willing to discuss a big change in your relationship,” says Phil Jackman, an addiction therapist at private rehab clinic Delamere. “Attempting to speak to them when they are stressed or busy may lead to unnecessary conflict. “Once you’ve found the right time, be honest with your partner and let them know the reasons you are giving up alcohol, and how this might impact your relationship. Hopefully, they will be supportive of your decision, but there might need to be a few things you need to work through first. “If you are with a partner that still likes a drink, try asking them if they can remove any alcohol from the house, or from a place you have access to it, so you aren’t tempted to give up on your sobriety,” he says. Don’t make unfair demands of them “Though it is fair to ask your partner to stop drinking and support you in sobriety, it is important that this is not a strict expectation of them. Assuming someone will automatically change their lifestyle just to suit yours may cause unnecessary conflict,” Jackman says. “Instead, when you make the decision to go sober, it’s important that you sit and talk through the reasons why you want to give up drinking, so they fully understand your decision. You may find they want to improve their own personal relationship with alcohol. However, it’s important to note, not everyone will be willing to do so. ” Seek out authenticity One of you quitting drinking could break a dangerous cycle. “If you and your partner regularly drink, more than just socialising with friends or during an occasion, your relationship could develop with a co-dependency to alcohol, where you are drinking to maintain the relationship,” says Dr Stefan Walters, Caba’s addiction specialist. “As humans, we can be highly influenced by peer pressure and the people around us. So, if we are socialising with those who drink heavily, we may feel a judgement for being sober, or that we are not joining in on the fun,” he explains. Pushing past that dependency will help you be authentic with your partner. “When you are sober, your personality is authentic, and you will feel emotionally present throughout conversations and experiences with your partner,” Walters adds. Find new things to do together If one of you does not drink, you may have to think outside the box about things you can do together. “If you are still feeling this way about the activities or hobbies after some time, I’d recommend speaking openly with your partner about adjusting or changing them,” says Walters. “Generally, you may feel that you’d rather take up healthier hobbies, like physical pursuits or mentally stimulating activities, instead of those centred around drinking, like quizzes or socialising at the pub. “So, it’s not necessarily about how to enjoy the same things, but working out how to spend time together through new activities that you both enjoy and receive emotional fulfilment from,” he explains. Going sober could help you find something new you love to do together. 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We’re not robots – Millie Bright wants work done on schedule to combat burnout
Millie Bright has called for work to be done with regard to scheduling in the women’s game, stressing players are “not robots”. Bright – captain of the England squad flying out for this summer’s World Cup in Australia and New Zealand on Wednesday after regular skipper Leah Williamson was ruled out by an ACL injury, and recovering from a knee issue herself – says burnout is “always in the back of your mind” as a player. The 66-cap Chelsea centre-back, who helped England win the Euros last summer and played for Great Britain at the Olympics the summer before that, said: “It’s tough. “I’ve been doing it for several years now. Playing back-to-back tournaments, it’s hard, when you’re playing every single minute for your clubs. “That’s the demands of the game now, especially with how competitive it is getting. The quality has gone through the roof and the games are getting harder to win, especially when you’re competing for every trophy. “I still think there’s work to be done in terms of scheduling, making sure we can compete in every competition and do back-to-back tournaments, but also we are not robots, we need time to recover. “We want to perform, to be at the highest level. For me, I think the scheduling of everything needs to be looked at so we can keep the quality at the highest it can possibly be. “As a player, it is always in the back of your mind.” Injuries have been a major talking point of late in women’s football, with a particular focus on the amount of players suffering ACL damage – something that has left England heading into this summer’s tournament without not only Williamson but also Beth Mead, her Arsenal team-mate who was the Euro 2022 Golden Boot winner. I think the scheduling of everything needs to be looked at so we can keep the quality at the highest it can possibly be. Millie Bright Asked if more research was needed, Bright said: “I think there always needs to be more done. “We obviously know the (female) body is very different to the male, so the research needs to be done in that sense. “For me, it’s more than just one factor, it’s everything that comes with it, whether it’s facilities, pitches, the amount of games we are playing, the amount of rest we’re having. It’s everything together, and I think all elements need to align. “We want to be performing at the highest level but we can only do that if we are fully recovered. If you play under a lot of fatigue then you are bound to be picking up injuries. It’s just impossible to keep going. “We don’t want to see this amount of injuries. I guess it will be a topic where the conversation will never die really until we see change and something done.” Bright has not played in a match since sustaining a knee injury while in action for Chelsea in March, after which she underwent surgery. While she was not involved in the 0-0 World Cup warm-up draw against Portugal in Milton Keynes on Saturday, she has expressed her confidence that she will be ready for the Lionesses’ Group D opener against Haiti on July 22. The 29-year-old, who was “absolutely gutted” for Williamson after she got injured in April and has had “check-ins” with her, said of the prospect of captaining her country at this summer’s showpiece: “It’s a proud moment to even be going to a World Cup. “I feel really grateful to be selected to go, let alone to be put in a position to captain the girls. It is a massive honour. “But for me, nothing changes – I stay the same. I’d like to think everyone says they see the same Millie every day, no matter. I always think with or without the armband I lead for the team, I think that’s just natural to me.” On the chances of Sarina Wiegman’s team adding to their Euro glory Down Under, Bright said: “For us it’s making sure we keep two feet on the ground, which I think we’ve always done, and know the challenge ahead will be even harder than any other tournament. We will be prepared and ready to fight for the badge.” Read More Charity boss speaks out over ‘traumatic’ encounter with royal aide Ukraine war’s heaviest fight rages in east - follow live Paris St Germain sack Christophe Galtier Wimbledon schedule further affected as rain prevents play on Wednesday morning Keira Walsh fears injury ‘every time I go on the pitch’ due to increased load
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