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The cruelest, most pithy quotes from the terrible, awful, no good characters of 'Succession'

2023-05-28 12:26
The time has come to say goodbye to "Succession." After four seasons, the series finale of the HBO drama debuts Sunday.
The cruelest, most pithy quotes from the terrible, awful, no good characters of 'Succession'

The time has come to say goodbye to "Succession."

The Emmy-winning HBO series will come to an end on Sunday after four fast-talking seasons of sharp and dramatic television. Along the way, the Roy family and the staff of Waystar RoyCo have fired off some of the cruelest -- and often hilarious -- barbs. (HBO, like CNN, is a unit of Warner Bros. Discovery.)

And while Logan Roy (Brian Cox) did not see his succession through, one thing's for sure -- the domineering patriarch's gift for verbal combat was inherited by his four frequently-fighting adult children.

"Succession" may be ending, but these lines will live in infamy:

Season 4

Logan to the kids: "I love you, but you are not serious people."

Greg to Tom about Logan: "He's just moseying, terrifyingly moseying. He's wearing sunglasses inside. He looks like as if Santa Claus is a hitman."

Connor to his siblings: "The good thing about having a family that doesn't love you is that you learn to live without it."

Roman to Waystar Studios head Joy Palmer on Los Angeles: "It's an incredibly evolved, ruthlessly segregated city you've built on this geological fault here."

Kendall to Frank: "We go reverse Viking, we pillage their village... One head, one crown."

Tom to Shiv: "I think that you are incapable of love, and I think that you are maybe not a good person to have children."

Roman to his pregnant sister Shiv: "Is it mine?"

Matsson to Greg: "I thought you were the backwash at the bottom of the gene pool, but this is something else."

Geri to Tom: "Oh, you're sick with grief? You might want to put down that fish taco. You're getting your melancholy everywhere."

Season 3

Kendall to Greg: "Who said I never killed anyone?"

Logan to Karl: "Karl, if your hands are clean, it's only because your whorehouse also does manicures."

Roman to Connor: "Horse didn't want you to f--- it?"

Kendall on a conference call: "Little Lord F---leroy has joined the call."

Kendall to Greg: "You're like the world's biggest f---ing parasite. You're a human tapeworm. Maybe stop feeding on your own f---ing family, and try sucking some blood elsewhere."

Shiv describing her mother's female reproductive organ: "Cold and inhospitable. That seems to check out."

Tom to Greg: "I'd castrate you and marry you in a heartbeat."

Tom to Shiv: "I did a bit of research and I got deep into the prison blogs again, about toilet wine. Turns out you can make it from fruit and ketchup but you have to burp the wine bag as it ferments and I thought, what if I forget to burp the toilet wine?"

Season 2

Tom to Greg in an email: "You can't make a Tomlette without breaking some Greggs."

Ewan to brother Logan: "The 'Logan Roy School of Journalism'? What's next, the 'Jack The Ripper Women's Health Clinic'?"

Hugo to Shiv, about Tom: "What is it like being married to a man with two a--holes?"

Roman to Tom: "Nice vest, Wambsgans. It's so puffy. What's it stuffed with, your hopes and dreams?"

Geri to Roman: "You're pathetic. You are a revolting little worm, aren't you? You little slime puppy."

Tom to Shiv: "I wonder if the sad I'd be without you would be less than the sad I get from being with you."

Roman to Kendall: "I think what he meant to say is that he wished that mum gave birth to a can opener because at least then it would be useful."

Logan to Roman: "Romulus, when you laugh, please do it at the same volume as everyone else. We didn't get you from a hyena farm."

Season 1

Willa to Tom: "At least I'm only getting f---ed by one member of this family."

Kendall about Logan: "The dinosaur is having one last roar at the meteor before it wipes him out."

Shiv to her siblings: "Do you think Dad will be able to cross the threshold, or will he spontaneously combust?"

Kendall to Roman: "You couldn't get a job in a burger joint let alone a Fortune 500 without some nepotism."

Roman to a board member: "I'm dumb, but I'm smart."

Tom to Greg: "You create this kind of protective shell, but underneath, we're all just little nudie turtles."

Greg to Kendall: "I don't do white drugs."

Shiv to Roman: "Killing hobos isn't a hobby."