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The joke had linked the behaviour of a comedian's dogs to a military slogan by President Xi Jinping.

Before every home game, Luton Town’s club shop is teeming. The little building perched outside Kenilworth Road is like a temporary prefab classroom and inside it’s cosy: once you’ve bought a shirt or a mug or a woolly hat then you best be on your way to make room for someone else. It is a different world to the extravagance of the Premier League. Tottenham, for example, boast the largest club shop in Europe: half an acre of sheer Spursy-ness, selling everything from Spurs-encrusted party bowls to the Spurs Monopoly board game, complete with a 100-seat auditorium to consume even more Spurs from the comfort of a soft chair. These two clubs seem to exist on different planets, and yet they could well be rivals in the same league next season. Luton have climbed here by consistently punching above their weight. The club’s entire wage budget, around £6m, would buy one Manchester City sub. They are always swimming against the tide and the small but mighty Kenilworth Road is a monument to that – intimate and intense, like a particularly atmospheric cow shed, with 10,000 seats that sound like 50,000 when the linesman fails to spot a foul throw. Luton’s long-awaited move to a new venue at Power Court is still a couple of years away. So should they win promotion – having advanced to the play-off final after victory over Sunderland, this is a distinct possibility – what on earth will the Premier League giants make of a ground where away fans file through an alleyway and up a metal staircase that hangs over neighbouring gardens? “They will think it’s a tip,” smiles Alex, a Luton season-ticket holder in the club shop. He has been coming here since 2005, sitting in the same seat since he was three years old. “But it’s our tip.” *** Despite his reputation as one of the brightest managers in the Football League, Rob Edwards was expecting some hate from Luton fans when he took charge in November. He had only recently left Watford, their bitter rivals, and so when he sat down for his first press conference as the new man in charge of Luton Town, all he could do was try to defuse a potentially volatile situation. “It’s not as if I left Watford a club legend,” he joked. Edwards was referring to the way he was spat back out by Watford after only 11 games, a familiar story for managers who dare work for the trigger-happy Pozzo family. But far from holding a grudge, Luton fans seemed to get a kick out of sticking one to their rivals. “Welcome Rob,” read a banner at his first game away at Middlesbrough, which soothed some anxiety. His first home game at Kenilworth Road, a Boxing Day win over Norwich City, finished with the entire ground singing his name. It would prove to be the first win of many, with only two league defeats for the rest of the campaign meaning Luton finished third in the Championship and got themselves into the play-offs for the second successive season. A club with a tight-knit staff and limited funds have improved their league position every year for eight in a row, climbing from the Conference in 2014 to the upper echelons of the Championship, and now they are within touching distance of the top tier for the first time in 30 years. At the heart of their rise is continuity – midfielder Pelly Ruddock Mpanzu has been with the club from non-league – and careful planning. Losing manager Nathan Jones to Southampton was a sudden bruise, but Edwards was already on the radar. Luton had analysed his League Two-winning year in charge of Forest Green Rovers and found it was no fluke – the underlying numbers showed a manager deploying the kind of fast, aggressive football that Luton themselves used to dominate Leagues One and Two. They analysed his 11 games at Watford too, and discovered some good things in the team Edwards was building, despite the quick sacking. Preparation has been key in the transfer market too. Led by club legend Mick Harford, chief scout Phil Chapple and analyst Jay Socik, Luton have made a habit of identifying smart signings from across the Football League and some inspired loans from the Premier League too. Right-back James Bree left the club in January but Luton seamlessly replaced him with Cody Drameh on loan from Leeds, and the addition of Aston Villa’s Marvelous Nakamba has brought solidity in midfield. Buying Carlton Morris from Barnsley last summer was crucial, and he has racked up a career-best 20 league goals. They recruit a specific Luton type: as well as being technically sound and a good character, they have to be athletic, able to withstand a high tempo for 90 minutes and out-run their opposition. After all, this is what Luton are: a club who extract every last drop from whatever they have. No Championship side have won more tackles in the final third than Luton this season, and the result is a team that are often hard and horrible to play against. Edwards has found a balance between a pragmatic approach and a team who can play football too. A direct route to goal is always an option with the power and strength of Morris and the imposing Elijah Adebayo up front, and Luton have found they don’t need to dominate possession to win games. That might be a useful trait in the Premier League. But what really stands out is how Luton are run off the pitch. There is no billionaire benefactor here: the club were saved by their own fans and now they are supporter-owned, and the people in charge – chief executive Gary Sweet, chairman David Wilkinson and majority stakeholder Paul Ballantyne – are deeply invested in its future. As one member of staff told The Independent: “Our owners give a s**t, and that isn’t always the case in football.” *** One staff member, Bill Cole, has worked for Luton for five years and has been visiting Kenilworth Road for 76. He will miss it, but he won’t shed a tear when it’s gone. He reels off more than half a century’s worth of new stadium plans that ended in disappointment, and says Power Court is exactly what the club has been crying out for, for far too long. “I hope they build a metal pillar in front of the press box to remind us of The Kenny,” he smiles. At full-time of a late-April clash against fellow high-flyers Middlesbrough, buoyant Luton fans poured out into the narrow streets that run down the hill to town following a 2-1 victory. It was a crucial moment in ensuring Luton finished third, and Boro fourth to face Coventry. If these two sides are to contest the play-off final – the so-called richest game in football – then perhaps this win has set the tone. Cole has seen it all before, though, and has a warning. “In 1959 we played Nottingham Forest in the FA Cup final,” he remembers. “Two weeks earlier we’d played them here at Kenilworth Road and we stuffed them 4-0. But at Wembley, we never showed up.” But win or lose the play-offs, Luton are unlikely to change too much. They are going in the right direction and their progress is a result not of vast investment but of sound stewardship. Amid the game’s financial bonanza benefitting a few elite clubs, Luton are showing that there is still a place for a little meritocracy in football. Read More Luton Town one game from Premier League after comeback win over Sunderland How to watch Championship play-offs Dimitar Berbatov warns Harry Kane not to ‘tarnish’ Tottenham legacy by leaving Dimitar Berbatov warns Harry Kane not to ‘tarnish’ Tottenham legacy by leaving I don’t blame English fans for cynicism over US investment – Burnley’s JJ Watt Arsenal and Leverkusen in ‘advanced talks’ over Granit Xhaka deal

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Inter Milan are the first club set for the 2023 Champions League final, after knocking out city rivals AC Milan with a 1-0 victory in the second leg. The goalkeepers were the stars of the show in the first half, both making fine stops, but the breakthrough finally came with just 15 minutes to play as Lautaro Martinez hammered in at the near post to seal a 3-0 aggregate win. Here are the player ratings from the second leg in the San Siro: Inter Milan Andre Onana - 7. Big save early on from Diaz. Not too troubled thereafter and always a safe pair of hands. Matteo Darmian - 7. Dealt comfortably with any threats down his side of the defensive trio. Francesco Acerbi - 8. Rugged, aggressive and dominant. Beat Giroud in the air every time. A little fortunate not to get caught purposely stepping on an opponent’s foot, though. Alessandro Bastoni - 7. Solid enough at the back. Wasn’t really called upon to do a huge amount of one-v-one work but his positional play, strength and passing from deep all meant Milan just couldn’t get through easily. Denzel Dumfries - 7. Again an impressive outing as he covered ground, dragged play upfield and shut down Leao when he needed to. Nicolo Barella - 7. The usual mix of aggression, bursts into the channel and good work to support the attack. A bit hot-headed, picked up a booking and caused a few ructions. Henrikh Mkhitaryan - 6. Carried the ball well a few times and got into a couple of dangerous positions but went off injured before half time. Hakan Calhanoglu - 6. Neat in possession, sensible with his forward runs. Mostly played a protective game in the centre and let Barella break beyond him. Federico Dimarco - 6. Not his best game on the ball but had plenty of times where he was a good outlet for the team and drove upfield at pace. Lautaro Martinez - 8. Full of running and clever touches in deep areas. Went close in the first half and then found the breakthrough with a drilled, low shot which beat Maignan at the near post. Edin Dzeko - 6. Hard-working and had a couple of sighters, but more about his hold-up play than penalty box prowess this time. Subs: M Brozovic 6, R Lukaku 8, R Gosens 6, J Correa n/a, R Gagliardini n/a AC Milan Mike Maignan - 7. Two excellent first-half saves highlighted his shot-stopping ability and good positional work. Beaten near post for the goal but it was a rocket from close range. Davide Calabria - 5. Started the game well but never really had much impact going forward. Malick Thiaw - 6. Fared better than Simon Kjaer did in the first leg with better power and speed in the channel, but after a booking had to be replaced. Fikayo Tomori - 7. Again, better than he played in the first fixture but the damage was already done there. He had a pretty decent outing but still couldn’t help keep a clean sheet. Theo Hernandez - 6. One of Milan’s biggest underperformers across the two legs, given what he’s capable of. Had an early shot and tracked back well plenty of times but ultimately got nowhere going forward. Sandro Tonali - 7. One brilliant driving run down the left created Milan’s best early opening. Was the one really trying to drive the team forward for most of the match but too few matched his endeavour. Rade Krunic - 6. Harder-working than last week but no better with playing forward. Left massive gaps which Barella just rampaged through. Junior Messias - 5. Like the rest of the attack, the Brazilian had a couple of decent individual moments but nowhere near enough positive team play or combinations. Brahim Diaz - 5. Massive chance in the opening minutes, on target but saved. Other than the first 15 minutes he was largely anonymous. Rafael Leao - 5. In and out of the game first half but fired one great strike across the face of goal. Totally marginalised second half and faded away. Olivier Giroud - 5. No service, no real hold-up play, no chance of beating Acerbi and no threat on goal. Subs: P Kalulu 5, A Saelemaekers 5, D Origi 5 Read More Inter Milan have already made it clear how they can win the Champions League Carlo Ancelotti and Real Madrid unfazed by airport delay before Man City clash Inter Milan vs AC Milan LIVE: Result and reaction Being confronted by fans and returning star driving AC Milan bid to reverse history Bundesliga title battle continues as Bayern Munich and Borussia Dortmund ease to wins On this day in 2006: Liverpool win thrilling FA Cup final against West Ham

After clawing their way to Istanbul, Internazionale have made one thing clear beyond the fact they have reached a first Champions League final since 2010, and a sixth in their history. Whoever they meet in the Ataturk on 10 June is going to have to fight to lift that trophy. That was one of the grand lessons of this historic 3-0 aggregate win over their great rivals in AC Milan. Such a scoreline may have made it look easy but it came from a combativeness and willingness to rise to the occasion. That’s maybe essential, since Inter are in some way a team drastically rising above where they are as a club right now. A defiance runs through the side: against their league position; against their financial situation; against their profile; against age - even against reputation. It was symbolic that it was Lauturo Martinez who got the clinching goal to make it 1-0 here, given how criticised he’d been for performances in the 2022 World Cup. As in Qatar, though, he refused to give in. So did his team. There is a persistence and battle resilience about Simone Inzaghi’s side that has shades of Jose Mourinho’s in 2010. Only shades, though, since this doesn’t have the quantity of players in that final prime season of their careers. It does have a lot of good individuals that can lift it, though. It is why they eliminated Milan here and why pose more of a threat to either Real Madrid or Manchester City. The invitation is obviously to conclude that the eventual winners will come out of that other semi-final but that could be an even greater mistake than the passiveness Milan displayed here. Inter have a fine goalkeeper in Andre Onana. They have two top-class defenders in Alessandro Bastoni and Milan Skriniar, the latter of whom again didn’t play. They have proper midfield industry in Nicolo Barella and Federico Dimarco. They also have a wide enough array of big-name attackers to give any opposition side a variety of problems. Edin Dzeko was again seemingly everywhere without actually moving that much. Romelu Lukaku came on to again show he has returned to previous levels. Martinez meanwhile did what happens so often in football in offering some personal redemption, while perhaps setting up something greater. They then have a manager in Simone Inzaghi who is capable of the right gameplan and right motivation for seemingly any occasion. Inter are really the ultimate cup team, now going to the ultimate stage. It created another European occasion that was only to be experienced. The noise was already deafening before it became one of those defining nights for this old ground. The famous red girders shook along with everything else, first to greet the teams, then when Martinez forced the ball past the otherwise impermeable Mike Maignon, finally in the glorious moment of victory. Javier Zanetti celebrated wildly on the pitch with everyone else, his hair still unruffled by all the embraces. Milan, so meekly trying to go about their processes, just never looked like forcing it. They even had Maignon to thank for keeping them in it for that much longer. This is why he is now being described as one of the best goalkeepers in the world - and perhaps even Milan’s most important player beyond Rafael Leao. The return of the forward did nevertheless give Stefano Pioli a bit his team had been badly missing in the first leg. That was never more obvious than when he totally undid Francesco Acerbi with his footwork, only for the remaining gap to full fitness to become apparent with a shot that went just wide. It was still a piece of individual brilliance, with the profiles reversed as Inter instead offered some flowing collective moves. It was one of those that brought a first brilliant save from Maignan. Dzeko showed his everlasting class with a touch inside then a fine pass to Dumfries. He cut back for Nicolo Barella, only for the goalkeeper to stay firm. Maignan surpassed himself minutes later. Dzeko was seemingly everywhere for a veteran who had to conserve his movements, and his thunderous header forced Maignan into acrobatics. Maignan couldn’t keep managing to keep Inter out, though. Martinez eventually found a way, the ball fittingly squirming under the goalkeeper’s body. It fits how Inter have made their way to Istanbul. Read More Being confronted by fans and returning star driving AC Milan bid to reverse history Milan derby creates thrilling sensory overload that shows how football should be AC Milan vs Inter Milan LIVE: Champions League semi-final result and reaction Inter vs AC Milan player ratings as Lautaro sends Nerazzurri to final Sheikh Jassim makes bigger last-ditch bid in Man United takeover saga Forest fined over pitch invasion after 2022 play-off semi against Sheff Utd

The Qatari billionaire Sheikh Jassim bin Hamad bin Khalifa Al Thani has raised his bid for Manchester United by making a fourth and last-ditch offer for the club, which is understood to be closer to £5 billion. The businessman has made a late intervention after the lifelong United fan, and petrochemicals billionaire, Sir Jim Ratcliffe had submitted his third bid which valued United at a higher figure. As with all of Sheikh Jassim’s previous proposals, he is trying to buy 100 percent of the club, where the Glazer family are current majority shareholders. The Qatari has also pledged to clear United’s debt of £536 million and has promised a separate fund directed at the club and the community. Ratcliffe’s most recent bid allowed Joel and Avram Glazer, two of the six siblings whose father, Malcolm, bought the club in 2005, to retain a stake while aiming to complete a takeover in the next few years. The American merchant bank the Raine Group are overseeing the process for the Glazers. There have been three previous rounds of bids, without seeming to meet the Glazers’ valuation, though Ratcliffe had emerged as the favourite to complete a deal. Read More You’re asking the wrong person – Emma Hayes not interested in title permutations Ed Woodward accepts first job since Man Utd departure West Ham won’t consider any Declan Rice bids until season is over

Major League Soccer's match day 12 did not disappoint.

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Inter Milan are on course to reach the Champions League final after taking a two-goal lead in their semi-final tie against local rivals AC Milan. A strong first-half performance saw Simone Inzaghi’s side secured their advantage thanks to goals from Edin Dzeko and Henrikh Mkhitaryan. As both teams play their home matches at the San Siro tonight’s encounter is an almost carbon-copy of the first leg. The difference being that most of the crowd inside the San Siro will be Inter fans as they are the designated hosts this evening. Based on their performance in the first leg AC Milan have serious work to do. Though they improved in the second half Milan were short of threat in front of goal all evening and with them needing to cut a two-goal deficit they cannot afford to be as wasteful tonight. Stefano Pioli will be overjoyed by the return of Rafael Leao. The forward has been passed fit to play after recovering from injury and will be required to play a key role if his side are to reach the European showcase. Follow all the action as Inter and Milan clash in the Champions League semi-final: Read More Being confronted by fans and returning star driving AC Milan bid to reverse history Glorious Milan derby proves football does not need Super League Aymeric Laporte says treble-chasing Manchester City ‘deserve many things’

Former Manchester United executive vice-chair Ed Woodward has accepted a first job since departing Old Trafford last year. Woodward has joined the board of educational esports company EStars as a non-executive director. EStars is “at the heart of the fastest-growing sport in the world”, using esports to bring classmates together, both during and after school hours, to foster great academic goals, inclusion, diversity and positive outcomes. Ex-Newcastle, Netherlands and current Norwich goalkeeper Tim Krul has been a shareholder in the company since its inception in 2017 and Woodward explained his decision to accept the new role. He said: “When you put together esports, education and a dynamic region such as the Middle East, where curriculum decisions can be made faster than Europe, it is a recipe for success. “Joining the team is an easy decision when you add the exceptional leadership and entrepreneurial energy of Mags [founder Mags Byrne]. I’m excited about EStars delivering a path of learning for the next generation in the (relatively) new industry of esports.” Having qualified as a chartered accountant and then worked at JPMorgan as an investment banker, Woodward joined Man United in 2005 to oversee their commercial operations, having advised the Glazer family on their purchase of the club. He was appointed to the board of directors in 2008 and became executive vice-chair in 2013 when David Gill retired. He became an incredibly unpopular figure at Old Trafford due to his association with a Glazer regime that fans turned against and despite the £1bn he sanctioned in transfer fees, his tenure is regarded as a failure, with the club struggling on the pitch – in relative terms at least – in the post-Sir Alex Ferguson era. It has been mooted that he could help the Glazer family negotiate any potential sale of Manchester United as the takeover saga drags on. Read More What would a Sir Jim Ratcliffe takeover mean for Manchester United Erik ten Hag unsure what funds will be available to strengthen Man Utd’s squad Louis Van Gaal suggests Ed Woodward’s departure from Man Utd could spell success

The ACC spring meeting might be more drama-filled than Jimbo Fisher vs. Nick Saban in Destin.Things have been better in the ACC, as illustrated by the incredibly tense spring meeting down in Amelia Island, Florida.The last time we saw something get this intense in a Floridian spring meeting,...